The Mountaintop
July 21, 2017
My oldest daughter, Leanne, and I were blessed to be able to go to Mexico this summer for a two week mission trip. While there we got to be tourists for a day and check out the mountain town of Tepoztlan. We were told we had 2.5 hours to be back at the bus. We checked our watches and headed toward the mountain that many in the group wanted to climb. At the top was a pyramid and we wanted to see it. We also wanted to shop for souvenirs but headed to the bottom of the trail just to "check it out". One man in our group had climbed it days before and told us it "was really hard.' Deciding to just snap quick photo at the bottom then head to shopping we briskly walked to the trailhead. As we neared the trailhead we got to thinking about how cool it would be to say we'd climbed it together and that maybe we could climb it and still have time to shop after all. The bottom looked beautiful and enticing and we decided that we'd rather make a memory together than to have a bunch of souvenirs.
Off we went up that mountain. It wasn't long before we started regretting our decision and many times thought of going back. We encouraged each other amid our sweating and kept thinking surely just a bit more. At one point we asked a traveler headed down how much further. Their answer was, "Oh your'e at least halfway!" Encouraged we kept going only to be told a short while later by someone else that we had a ways to go before we hit the halfway mark. The way was steep, rugged and at times a bit slippery. We kept on even though we had to stop and catch our breath multiple times.
My oldest daughter, Leanne, and I were blessed to be able to go to Mexico this summer for a two week mission trip. While there we got to be tourists for a day and check out the mountain town of Tepoztlan. We were told we had 2.5 hours to be back at the bus. We checked our watches and headed toward the mountain that many in the group wanted to climb. At the top was a pyramid and we wanted to see it. We also wanted to shop for souvenirs but headed to the bottom of the trail just to "check it out". One man in our group had climbed it days before and told us it "was really hard.' Deciding to just snap quick photo at the bottom then head to shopping we briskly walked to the trailhead. As we neared the trailhead we got to thinking about how cool it would be to say we'd climbed it together and that maybe we could climb it and still have time to shop after all. The bottom looked beautiful and enticing and we decided that we'd rather make a memory together than to have a bunch of souvenirs.
Off we went up that mountain. It wasn't long before we started regretting our decision and many times thought of going back. We encouraged each other amid our sweating and kept thinking surely just a bit more. At one point we asked a traveler headed down how much further. Their answer was, "Oh your'e at least halfway!" Encouraged we kept going only to be told a short while later by someone else that we had a ways to go before we hit the halfway mark. The way was steep, rugged and at times a bit slippery. We kept on even though we had to stop and catch our breath multiple times.
As we neared the top the way seemed harder and yet we kept on. We'd come too far to turn back without reaching the top. Finally, after a one and a half hour climb, we made it. We reached the top together and looked down at the beautiful view. Friends from our group were already there and snapped some photos of us together.
Four years ago this would not have been possible for me as I was constantly fatigued and had joint pain and swelling. At age 40 thought I was coming down with arthritis prematurely. After tests indicated I had Lupus I went on a strict diet and daily medication. The diet is not always fun and in fact I dislike parts of it greatly. I make the decision daily to do it for my family so I can make memories with my kids for years to come. When recent tests came back with good numbers (the best in 4 years) I was greatly encouraged. That's when the mountain came. At the height of my encouragement. When I felt the best. When I wanted it so badly. Then the climb was hard. It hurt. It wasn't so much fun. But then came the mountaintop. I have no better words to describe it then the words Leanne used,
"This day. I could use so many words to describe it, but I will just say memorable. My legs remembered the memories of climbing the mountain for a long time afterward. My mom’s phone said we did 14,481 steps, 6.1 miles and climbed up a total of 100 flights of stairs. But there wasn’t any stairs. Just rocks. I think the climb would have been easier it there actually had been 100 flights of stairs. At one point there was even water flowing down the rocks that we were climbing up. But it was fun! My heart will always remember the beauty while climbing through the rainforest and the view from the top of the mountain. The mountaintop was definitely harder to leave than the mountain was to climb.”
Now to be fair the mountain was two miles up, two miles down then we walked two miles to the bus. But it was all worth it. What is your mountain today? What is your reason for climbing? Don't be discouraged my friend, the mountaintop is often harder to leave than the mountain is to climb.
Four years ago this would not have been possible for me as I was constantly fatigued and had joint pain and swelling. At age 40 thought I was coming down with arthritis prematurely. After tests indicated I had Lupus I went on a strict diet and daily medication. The diet is not always fun and in fact I dislike parts of it greatly. I make the decision daily to do it for my family so I can make memories with my kids for years to come. When recent tests came back with good numbers (the best in 4 years) I was greatly encouraged. That's when the mountain came. At the height of my encouragement. When I felt the best. When I wanted it so badly. Then the climb was hard. It hurt. It wasn't so much fun. But then came the mountaintop. I have no better words to describe it then the words Leanne used,
"This day. I could use so many words to describe it, but I will just say memorable. My legs remembered the memories of climbing the mountain for a long time afterward. My mom’s phone said we did 14,481 steps, 6.1 miles and climbed up a total of 100 flights of stairs. But there wasn’t any stairs. Just rocks. I think the climb would have been easier it there actually had been 100 flights of stairs. At one point there was even water flowing down the rocks that we were climbing up. But it was fun! My heart will always remember the beauty while climbing through the rainforest and the view from the top of the mountain. The mountaintop was definitely harder to leave than the mountain was to climb.”
Now to be fair the mountain was two miles up, two miles down then we walked two miles to the bus. But it was all worth it. What is your mountain today? What is your reason for climbing? Don't be discouraged my friend, the mountaintop is often harder to leave than the mountain is to climb.
Moments
June 12, 2017
Sitting at the park today I noticed a lady speaking sharply at the children under her care to "go away" motioning with her hands to the play equipment. As they scampered away, she mumbled "that's better" and settled down on the bench for some private time. I judged her. I wondered why she wasn't out engaging with those kids in the playground. Then I realized, I too, was sitting on the bench in the shade where it was cool and comfortable, looking at my iPhone. I made a decision to engage with my boys. I put down my iPhone, walked across the playground and stood in the hot summer sun with my boys watching them stand patiently in line to ride the spinner. Twirling my youngest boy said "Mommy's here!!" My oldest saw me and said, "Mommy you're here!" and he gave me the biggest hug. They both smiled and smiled as they each got a turn and spun wildly around in circles. As they were spinning they kept looking my direction making sure I was still there and said things like "Mommy watch!" and "Isn't this cool?" I could have missed those moments. For the comfort in the shade and the entertainment on my iPhone I would have missed those moments--the moments I'll miss one day when they are grown and gone.
June 12, 2017
Sitting at the park today I noticed a lady speaking sharply at the children under her care to "go away" motioning with her hands to the play equipment. As they scampered away, she mumbled "that's better" and settled down on the bench for some private time. I judged her. I wondered why she wasn't out engaging with those kids in the playground. Then I realized, I too, was sitting on the bench in the shade where it was cool and comfortable, looking at my iPhone. I made a decision to engage with my boys. I put down my iPhone, walked across the playground and stood in the hot summer sun with my boys watching them stand patiently in line to ride the spinner. Twirling my youngest boy said "Mommy's here!!" My oldest saw me and said, "Mommy you're here!" and he gave me the biggest hug. They both smiled and smiled as they each got a turn and spun wildly around in circles. As they were spinning they kept looking my direction making sure I was still there and said things like "Mommy watch!" and "Isn't this cool?" I could have missed those moments. For the comfort in the shade and the entertainment on my iPhone I would have missed those moments--the moments I'll miss one day when they are grown and gone.
Awesome teenagers
October 28, 2015
I read an article recently about growing awesome teenagers. It talked
about the need to "discipline every time" while your children are
young. And I liked that line. It struck me as consistent to the way
we've been raising our children. Daily. On purpose.
I write this soon after our 16 year old daughter sits next to me and
lays her head on my shoulder---just because. Because SHE wants to be with ME.
Isn't THAT awesome?! How does that happen?! Allowing God's grace in
our dailyness--for 16 years.
Daily reminding her to pick up her pajamas off the floor, having her
practice (again) the proper way to apologize to a sibling, and gently
reminding to "put your shoes in the basket." Dailyness. Not always fun.
Repetitive. Requires patience. Daily hugging her and telling her, "I
love you" and kissing her face 20 times in silliness as she says, "OK,
mom" and I can tell she likes it. Daily putting the greatness of God
before her as we read and reread Bible stories and stories of great Christians of the faith.
Daily demonstrating how in our failure God still works by saying,
"Will you forgive me? Momma messed up." Daily bedtime prayers that
gradually morph from "lots of nice dreams" to "help her do her best in
school tomorrow" to "give our president wisdom".
Great teenagers don't happen in one "epiphany moment". One big U-turn
of the heart is not God's norm, although that can happen. Awesome
teenagers happen with small course corrections daily that lead them down a path of greatness.
And it's sometimes tiring and sometimes it doesn't feel awesome and
more than once I've cried and felt I was messing up. But gently, often
through scripture, God sends wisdom. Sometimes wisdom comes through a Godly mentor.
I've laid awake many nights praying, seeking God for ideas, thoughts
on how to parent better. There were nights I told Him, "You're gonna
have to take care of this one, because I have no clue." And He does.
Maybe not tomorrow, but He does. And I see God's greatness show up
when she says to her little brother, "Come on, I'll help you catch
bugs to feed to your lizard." And they march out the door together,
bug nets in hand, and I sigh a prayer of thankfulness. Then I pray
for patience and wisdom to do it all over tomorrow--again.
October 28, 2015
I read an article recently about growing awesome teenagers. It talked
about the need to "discipline every time" while your children are
young. And I liked that line. It struck me as consistent to the way
we've been raising our children. Daily. On purpose.
I write this soon after our 16 year old daughter sits next to me and
lays her head on my shoulder---just because. Because SHE wants to be with ME.
Isn't THAT awesome?! How does that happen?! Allowing God's grace in
our dailyness--for 16 years.
Daily reminding her to pick up her pajamas off the floor, having her
practice (again) the proper way to apologize to a sibling, and gently
reminding to "put your shoes in the basket." Dailyness. Not always fun.
Repetitive. Requires patience. Daily hugging her and telling her, "I
love you" and kissing her face 20 times in silliness as she says, "OK,
mom" and I can tell she likes it. Daily putting the greatness of God
before her as we read and reread Bible stories and stories of great Christians of the faith.
Daily demonstrating how in our failure God still works by saying,
"Will you forgive me? Momma messed up." Daily bedtime prayers that
gradually morph from "lots of nice dreams" to "help her do her best in
school tomorrow" to "give our president wisdom".
Great teenagers don't happen in one "epiphany moment". One big U-turn
of the heart is not God's norm, although that can happen. Awesome
teenagers happen with small course corrections daily that lead them down a path of greatness.
And it's sometimes tiring and sometimes it doesn't feel awesome and
more than once I've cried and felt I was messing up. But gently, often
through scripture, God sends wisdom. Sometimes wisdom comes through a Godly mentor.
I've laid awake many nights praying, seeking God for ideas, thoughts
on how to parent better. There were nights I told Him, "You're gonna
have to take care of this one, because I have no clue." And He does.
Maybe not tomorrow, but He does. And I see God's greatness show up
when she says to her little brother, "Come on, I'll help you catch
bugs to feed to your lizard." And they march out the door together,
bug nets in hand, and I sigh a prayer of thankfulness. Then I pray
for patience and wisdom to do it all over tomorrow--again.
February 11, 2014
I'm not enough, but He is.
Somehow along the way nobody told me the truth. The truth that as a mom, I'm just not enough.
I came to believe that if God gave me 4 children to homeschool one with seizures, another constant headaches, and the general busyness of homeschooling, that God somehow felt me capable and worthy of the task.
There are some who told me that if God gave me a difficult thing to handle that I must somehow be "super mom". I believed I should be "enough". And I wasn't. I'm not. Because of that belief it's been extra hard.
I believed that I could somehow research enough, therapy enough, pray enough, nutrition enough, that it would be "enough" and they would be fine. And it isn't.
The truth is I am not enough for my children, but He is. And because He is enough, they will be all He created them to be.
There have been hard days but God gives insight, He sends a friend, an email. Sometimes just Daddy coming home and saying, "Can I take her to Starbucks with me?" is the best therapy. Just knowing she needed a break from Algebra and her Daddy giving her some special time is exactly what she needed. It doesn't take the Migraine away but it helps ease her heart. Sometimes a letter comes in the mail from a favorite cousin that tells my son he's missed and it means more than they'll ever know. Because some days are just plain hard when you have Sensory processing issues and you feel odd but you don't know why. And then after years of praying, a phone call comes from Grandma and off handed she mentions MSG and just like that over half the headaches go away because we remove that from our daughters diet.
I've been to the doctor office with 4 children, sanitizer in hand, waiting for 3 hours to get medicine for a very sick child. Only to come home and fix dinner, clean up dinner, bathe children, administer medicine, and then be up most of the night giving breathing treatments to a child with bronchitis all while my husband was out of the country.
The many piles of laundry that weren't getting done because I was home schooling my children and putting another child on a completely organic diet in an effort to stop seizures. Math tutoring, scripture memorizing, reading aloud at lunch time, diapers, household chores, cookie making, video watching on my bed and fun nights with flashlights when the electricity went out. Those much looked forward to late night calls from daddy (because he was on the other side of the globe and just waking up). Then God game me strength to do it all over again the next day.
There's nothing so wonderful as knowing you have nothing left to give emotionally and almost nothing left physically and yet God miraculously comes by your side and then you do. And you wouldn't trade that for anything.
God is enough for my family. I'm not. We live in a broken world and on this side of eternity I will never be all they need. I can't be-because I'm broken too. So, I fall on my knees before the One who isn't broken and I ask Him for the strength and the grace and the wisdom these children need.
We are not enough. We can't be. But He is the ultimate everything and He is enough. The truth is that God gave me difficult tasks, not because I was somehow super capable of handling them, but because I wasn't. He wants me to know that I need Him every minute. He wants me to seek Him daily for the tasks.
So I play worship music in the kitchen and memorize scriptures about the tongue with my children because I need God's Word in my heart too.
I wish someone had told me that I'm not an extraordinary mom. I wish someone had told me that God is extraordinary and He will give the EXTRA to an ordinary mom on Her knees before Him.
I'm not enough, but He is.
Somehow along the way nobody told me the truth. The truth that as a mom, I'm just not enough.
I came to believe that if God gave me 4 children to homeschool one with seizures, another constant headaches, and the general busyness of homeschooling, that God somehow felt me capable and worthy of the task.
There are some who told me that if God gave me a difficult thing to handle that I must somehow be "super mom". I believed I should be "enough". And I wasn't. I'm not. Because of that belief it's been extra hard.
I believed that I could somehow research enough, therapy enough, pray enough, nutrition enough, that it would be "enough" and they would be fine. And it isn't.
The truth is I am not enough for my children, but He is. And because He is enough, they will be all He created them to be.
There have been hard days but God gives insight, He sends a friend, an email. Sometimes just Daddy coming home and saying, "Can I take her to Starbucks with me?" is the best therapy. Just knowing she needed a break from Algebra and her Daddy giving her some special time is exactly what she needed. It doesn't take the Migraine away but it helps ease her heart. Sometimes a letter comes in the mail from a favorite cousin that tells my son he's missed and it means more than they'll ever know. Because some days are just plain hard when you have Sensory processing issues and you feel odd but you don't know why. And then after years of praying, a phone call comes from Grandma and off handed she mentions MSG and just like that over half the headaches go away because we remove that from our daughters diet.
I've been to the doctor office with 4 children, sanitizer in hand, waiting for 3 hours to get medicine for a very sick child. Only to come home and fix dinner, clean up dinner, bathe children, administer medicine, and then be up most of the night giving breathing treatments to a child with bronchitis all while my husband was out of the country.
The many piles of laundry that weren't getting done because I was home schooling my children and putting another child on a completely organic diet in an effort to stop seizures. Math tutoring, scripture memorizing, reading aloud at lunch time, diapers, household chores, cookie making, video watching on my bed and fun nights with flashlights when the electricity went out. Those much looked forward to late night calls from daddy (because he was on the other side of the globe and just waking up). Then God game me strength to do it all over again the next day.
There's nothing so wonderful as knowing you have nothing left to give emotionally and almost nothing left physically and yet God miraculously comes by your side and then you do. And you wouldn't trade that for anything.
God is enough for my family. I'm not. We live in a broken world and on this side of eternity I will never be all they need. I can't be-because I'm broken too. So, I fall on my knees before the One who isn't broken and I ask Him for the strength and the grace and the wisdom these children need.
We are not enough. We can't be. But He is the ultimate everything and He is enough. The truth is that God gave me difficult tasks, not because I was somehow super capable of handling them, but because I wasn't. He wants me to know that I need Him every minute. He wants me to seek Him daily for the tasks.
So I play worship music in the kitchen and memorize scriptures about the tongue with my children because I need God's Word in my heart too.
I wish someone had told me that I'm not an extraordinary mom. I wish someone had told me that God is extraordinary and He will give the EXTRA to an ordinary mom on Her knees before Him.